Generally speaking, I'm a WYSIWYG person. And generally speaking, I expect other people to be too.

Which makes me wonder whether I can ever be friends with the English.

It may simply be a case of meeting the wrong people at the wrong time. But I discovered, while living in England, that English humour is not humour at all. It's just a statement of the way things really are! And English humour does not point to a WYSIWYG culture.

I'm not speaking about passing politeness and social grease. That is not friendship. But when someone says "Let's get together when you're in the Isle of Wight, come around for dinner", or "I'd really like to meet up with you when I get to Amsterdam" that is not passing politeness. When someone initiates a deep conversation, that is not social grease.

So what am I supposed to think when I phone the Isle of Wight contact and get a "For god's sake give me a break" ? Or the Amsterdam visitor prefers to meet up with a complete stranger you mentioned in passing? Or the person who initiates the deep conversations says you're the one whose getting too personal?

Huh?

And this is before we get to the people who seek out your company only because they have an Armani jacket and you don't. All the better to sneer at you with, m'dear.

Forget it. I'm not playing any more. Good morning. Nice weather. And actually, I don't give a fuck how you are, so don't tell me.

What I'm seeing is your designer labels, your posh address or your cabriolet. What I'm getting, though, is an asshole, hiding insecurity behind the trappings of success.

They're no substitute for integrity.